We are Making Music Now

 One of the things that always scared me when I was a kid was to play music.  I was always jealous of my older siblings who had the chance to take piano lessons especially later in life but I know why my mother never let me.  (She was very nervous that I would give up on it, I did have a very long track record for giving up on different activities.)  I tried to teach myself piano later in life but it didn't stick.  This didn't stick for two reasons: 1. I didn't have the drive to really deep dive into the craft and so I didn't spend a lot of time practicing, and 2. I didn't have any idea what I was doing and didn't have a mentor to help me learn how to play.  

My uncle is an amazing musician who has honed his craft and if given the chance would probably go play in one of those majestic concert halls in NYC.  Most of my cousins have some amazing musical skills and I feel a little left out when it comes to playing music.  I have always considered myself creative.  I love to be creative, and the way that I create is unique to me (thanks Felicia Day for helping me find this fact out with an exercise about a cat in your latest book).  Over the last two months or so I have been dealing with an injury that has kept me off the hiking trails and out of the gym.  The world seems to be falling apart and I feel that I can't make any sense out of it, let alone try to make a difference in it.  All of these things keep adding up and I find that I am more and more retreating into a place of internal turmoil that I am unable to share with anyone.  

Stepping back I found that I had a bit of a talent for, or at least the ability to, make easy chord progressions and rhythmic beats.  I threw myself whenever I felt loss, out of control, or in need of someone to listen to me into the world of music production.  In a strange way I feel that my lack of musical training may have helped me not get stuck into a loop of control but has given me the ability to really express myself and all of the frustrations that I have been feeling into a form of music.  On my YouTube I have published a single song that was kind of horrible but it felt like I could share a bit of my soul with the world.  Maybe I'll be able to share more in the future that won't sound as poorly constructed.  

So I guess this long post is more about me learning to accept my own strangeness and share myself with the world.  We are definitely making music now and it feels so amazing.